12 steps to create attraction

Flirting in person is easy. Just show a playful smile, make some cheerful jokes and feed off your energy and you’re already in the running. However, flirting online? Yes, it’s a different story. When you’re hiding behind a computer or phone screen and only have your keyboard to work with, it may be impossible to know how to connect.

Good news, though. It is not impossible. In this guide, we’ll show you how to flirt online with a new game. We’ll show you the steps and tips you need to know to generate attraction and excitement without going overboard and looking weird or desperate.

Let’s get into it.

Woman laughing outside

1. Understand that online dating is different than in person.

This may seem obvious, but it is an important finding. When you only talk to someone online and not in person, the interaction will be (and should be) different. Why is this important? Various reasons.

  • Flirting is much easier in person.
  • The same flirtation tactics that work in person will not necessarily work online.
  • Flirting is (and should be) less intense online than in person.

If you can get close to these upcoming tips on how to flirt on online dating with this mindset, it will be much easier.

2. Understand the purpose of online chat.

There is one more thing we need to clarify first. The whole point of talking to a new online party is to generate enough interest to get to that first date. You really shouldn’t be talking to people for months online before deciding if you’re interested in moving on to an in-person meeting.

What has this got to do with flirting? Well, if your only goal is to get to the first date, you don’t have to do a lot of chemistry. You don’t have to flirt like crazy and be helped. All this can be taken care of personally.

Many people who struggle to flirt online are struggling because they are having too many online conversations. If it looks like it’s you, your solution may be to switch to the first date before you are.

However, if this doesn’t seem like it, keep reading while we share some tips to help you.

3. Exclamation marks and emojis are your friends.

Whether you’re a boy or a girl, using exclamation marks and emojis can be a great way to inject a little excitement into your messages that may seem like a flirtation. For example, read these two sentences and take note of how they make you feel.

“Hi, Nice to meet you. I’ve seen that you’re interested in dogs. That’s great.”

“Hey! It’s a pleasure to meet you 🙂 I’ve seen that you’re interested in dogs. That’s great!”

To be honest, this second message sounds much more appealing and exciting. He seems like the one who would be most interested in answering. Guess what? This is flirting. Just by using some silly symbols that make things sound more exciting, you’ve successfully introduced a little flirtation to your posts.

However, here are some rules to follow.

  • Don’t go overboard. Do not use exclamation marks in familiar phrases or in sentences that do not make sense. If you’re talking about something a little more serious, get them out.
  • With emojis, follow them in moderation. Do not use them with all messages. And for the sake of it all, keep it clean. Don’t use eggplant emoji or anything like that.
  • Avoid emojis with hearts or those that may seem too serious. You just met this person; don’t scare them.
  • Don’t feel like you’re a tough guy who can’t use emojis. Positivity and emojis are 100% good for both men and women.

4. Compliments can make you look desperate.

For most people struggling with how to flirt on online dating, their main attempt to fix it is to leave compliments. Unfortunately, this only makes you look desperate and like you’re putting the other person on a pedestal. It’s okay to be positive and supportive of the things they say, but keep compliments to a minimum.

The best way to do this is to be responsive to your compliments. Don’t start by saying that there are things you like or think are beautiful or something about him. But if they talk about something important to them, they respond with something like, “That’s great!” or “That’s great!”

5. Keep it clean. Really.

The other movement people try when they struggle to figure out how to flirt online is to pervert themselves and sexually. In some cases, there is a time and a place for it. However, it is overused and inappropriate way more often than not. The safest move is to keep it PG, not to send unsolicited photos, and not to force sexual conversation.

6. Remember that jokes may not come out as they do in person.

When you write a message to someone on online dating, they can’t hear you say the message. Often, if you make a joke, it requires the as you say so that it makes sense. This is also true for great jokes! If you want to say something funny, make sure it makes sense when you read without any voice bending. A good tip is to read your last message and then read your message without voice (monotone) to see if it’s still funny.

7. Lols, jks and hahas are great.

A good way to make sure a joke goes well is to put it on lol, jk, o haha behind the comment. It may sound silly, but make it clear that you are trying to make a flirtatious joke.

For example, suppose you want to make a joke by saying that your dog looks a bit like Albert Einstein. If you just say, “Your dog looks like Albert Einstein,” it might seem like a weird remark. But if you add some lols, jks and even some of our previous tips, it may seem more flirty and much more like a joke. “Your dog looks like Albert Einstein! Haha!”

8. Positive language is your friend.

With our latest example, it may still seem like you’re making fun of your dog, which isn’t an effective flirtation. One way to combat this is to throw in too much positive language to support things. For example, “Your dog looks like Albert Einstein! Haha! That’s great.”

Just by adding this short sentence, we made it very clear that we are not making fun of his dog, but pointing out something we think is great.

9. Avoid the job interview question line.

When you meet someone online, it can be tempting to just ask a lot of questions like a job interview. Stop doing this. Yes, it’s okay to ask questions. But ask follow-up questions. Don’t just get into the rhythm of a question, an answer.

For example, if you ask them, “Do you have a pet?” and they say, “Yes, I have two dogs.” Instead of moving on to the next question or talking about yourself, ask them about their dogs. “Amazing, I love dogs! What kind of puppies do you have?” Notice how this breaks the monotony and with positive language and exclamation marks, it’s more fun and flirting.

10. Stop thinking too much.

If you’re so concerned about putting on a show and impressing someone, you’ll make mistakes. Online dating is not about impressing anyone else. These are two people who see if there is enough connection to take the next step. If you take the pressure off, you will get better results.

11. Go to phone or video chat.

If you still want to spend some time getting to know them before you meet in person (or want to do so), consider talking on the phone or video chat. While not as good as in person, it’s still a great way to see and / or hear them. This gives you many more opportunities to feed off your energy and get some flirting.

The hardest part about flirting online is that you can’t see or hear their reaction to see if it works. This helps to change that.

12. The bottom line: Focus more on what’s important.

As you can see, most of our tips on how to flirt online are more about what you shouldn’t do than what you should do. Because? Well, back to what we said first. The goal of an online conversation is to reach this first date. Flirting in person is much more natural and much easier because you can feed on natural energy and chemistry.

We’re sharing it again because what you should focus on is proving that it’s worth having a first date and at the same time making sure it’s someone you want to spend time with.

The best way to do that is to listen to what they have to say. Take the time to read their profile. Show that you’re really interested in them and not just send them cookie-cutter messages. If you do and have a strong dating profile, you can get to the first date and start flirting in person, where it is most important.


Jason L

Written by: Jason Lee

Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, health and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a bachelor of science degree from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.

His work has appeared in The USA Today, MSN, NBC, FOX, The Motley Fool, Net Health and The Simple Dollar. As an entrepreneur, relationship strategist, dating coach, and U.S. Army officer, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.


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