In a couple of dates, we can go from feeling like a normal person to feeling too attached. And even though we’ve only spent a few hours with this person, the fear of losing them becomes overwhelming.
In this new video, I share an easy, well-founded phrase that you can use NOW MORE to calm you down if you find yourself in this situation.
What was your experience when you found yourself in this situation? I’d love to hear your story in the comments!
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I wanted to make a video about the early stages of dating, when we had a great date with someone, maybe a couple of great dates, and we decided we liked it. This is a time of the dating process where the obsession can happen very quickly. We get anxious. We are beginning to worry about this situation. We can’t get that person out of our minds. And then we find ourselves in the trap of self-sabotage, because we’re already spending too much time talking about something we still don’t know what it is.
Why is this happening? And what can we do about it? Because, of course, we’re all terrified that not only will my anxiety make me miserable, it’s the same thing that will sabotage what I want to happen. Well, let’s first look at one of the main reasons we become obsessed with someone we just met. Projection.
We go on a date, we have a great time, we see some things we like and our brain takes 5% of what we know about this person, and how could we know more than that, we just spend a small amount of time with them, and use it to extrapolate the other 95% of them. In other words, we fill in the gaps. And do we fill them in moderation? No. We take the best qualities from them and extrapolate them to all the wonderful things that should be in every other area of your life.
We do the same, by the way, with the attention someone gives us. Someone pays a little attention to us and we immediately start extrapolating the amount of attention we think they will give us in a week or a month that will result in a relationship.
What happens as a result of the projection is that we are now incredibly nervous, both in terms of how fantastic we have done them in our minds and the potential of the relationship according to what we are seeing of them in investing in this. moment. Both of these things increase gambling to an unhealthy degree. He puts them on a pedestal. Put the relationship or potential relationship on a pedestal that divorces us of the reality of what we are achieving right now. It divorces us from the moment we are. We are no longer present on the date we are. We are living somewhere with some idealized fantasy version of them, in an idealized fantasy relationship with them. And that scares us. “What if I fucked up with this amazing person? And if I sabotage this relationship that has so much potential?
And when we have such an anxiety, when we become so obsessed, we stop approaching the date in any organic way. We stop realizing that we are not just selling in the dating process, that is, selling our personality and how wonderful we are and what life would be like with us. We are also buying. We are also deciding if we want the person in front of us. We cannot decide in full whether we want the person in front of us, based on one date or even five dates. We need to see who they become with us. We need to see how much they continue to invest. And we must remember this truth.
This projection that I have of the importance that this person has and that could be this relationship is not reality. This is a conversation we need to have with other people and with ourselves. It’s very common to miss a date and tell your friends how kind they were. Think about it for a moment. Someone does something kind on a date, and you immediately say, “I’m attracted to this person and he’s a nice guy. I never feel attracted to people who are nice guys. Oh my God. This person has it all.” And then you tell your friends about this very sweet thing that this person did on the date. And they all say, “My God, this is amazing. Oh my. It sounds great. I’m so happy for you.” They literally talk to you like you’re just committing to the person: “I’m very happy for you. That’s great. That’s very exciting.”
Now, that amplifies you and you think, “My God. I really should be afraid of losing this thing, because my friends now understand how amazing this person is and the potential he has.” What we need to do at this time, when our friends encourage us all or when we encourage ourselves, is to respond by saying, “We’ll see. It was a really great date. “
“We’ll see” is a very powerful phrase. “We’ll see,” he says. “We’ll see,” he says, not quite convinced yet. “We’ll see,” he says, “there’s more to learn.” “We’ll see” even includes an embedded challenge for the person you’re dating who isn’t fully sold yet. They get your attention, but you’re not sold out yet, because you can only be sold for a future that really materializes, for wonderful personality traits that reveal themselves as a true character over time, not a performance on a date. “We’ll see” is an extraordinarily powerful pressure valve on first dates.
And remember that. This is not just a phrase you use externally for friends or other people trying to get you to a place that is currently science fiction and not reality. It is also an inward-looking phrase, because it is part of the conversation you have with yourself to temper your own enthusiasm, to temper the person of exaggeration inside you who is trying to get you carried away. “We’ll see” makes our obsession, makes our anxiety go down many degrees. And when that happens, then we send the next text message, we make the next phone call, we go to the next appointment with a completely different energy, one of peace and calm and acceptance of whatever that situation is.
Now, considering this pressure valve, what I would love to give you in addition is a practical plan on how to start getting results in your love life for all that energy, time and investment you are investing in it. , because this is one of the most frustrating things for so many people today, it’s, “I want to find love. I’m willing to try, but I feel like it’s all useless. a relationship, people who aren’t even willing to give it a try, in many cases people who aren’t even willing to go out on a date. no return “.
I’ve put together a handy roadmap for you to get results in your love life this year. And if you started this year saying, “Finding love is a priority for me,” what I’m about to tell you is the most important date you can put on your agenda this year. On April 19th, I do a live workout called Dating with Results, and it’s totally free. We have received more than 20,000 women in this training. The feedback has been extraordinary and as a result we have had a long list of people waiting for us to do this training again.
Well, that time has finally come. It’s April 19th. It will be about 90 minutes, and it will be an intensely practical session. All you have to do is go to Appointments with results to sign up. It’s completely free. Be sure to add it to your calendar so you don’t miss it. And we’ll see you then, so we can work to make sure every gram of energy you put into your love life this year really translates into a real relationship.
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