You’re someone who thinks, “I need closure!” before you can heal your broken heart? I know more than I would like to admit about hoping to hang out with my college ex.
Loving him like no other man, I was deep before we parted. Love can consume everything.
We didn’t have a big final hit or fight. What ended things up was just the last drop. One Saturday night, when we left, we had been in the college bar for about 30 minutes. I wanted to go and he said he would wait for me in the car.
I had no intention of leaving early, especially not after half an hour. So I told him to take my keys and go back to my apartment. Someone would take me home. I finished!
When I got back at midnight, I said, “Take your things and I’ll take you back to the bedroom.” He looked at me questioningly but got in the car. Along the way I talked about meeting this or that friend. Cheerful, happy and as if nothing strange was happening.
We got to the bedroom, he grabbed his things and left. Then he crouched down to look at the car and said goodbye. I said, “Goodbye Steven,” and this was the last time I talked to him for over 10 years.
I was incredibly sad, but that “in and out” relationship that had dragged me was over. There was some relief in that, along with a heart broken by a great love ending.
Honestly, I’m still not sure how I put up with it.
Do you really need closure to move on?
The lovelessness lasted longer than I ever thought. Never having that final conversation left me wanting one. I thought, “I need a lock,” but how could I do that?
The years went by and I found myself rehearsing my speech for him too often. All the things I thought I should know. How I had lost a wonderful woman and what a mistake she made in treating me badly.
I haven’t dated anyone in years. I never met a guy who caught my eye. My focus was on the need to close with Steven and the little speech he was perfecting.
I can see it clearly with hindsight, but I didn’t know I was staying single at the time.
At our high school reunion, I met Steven’s current girlfriend, who brought a message from him. (We had gone to the same high school and college.)
He told me he was sorry for how he treated me! What? Did you send her to tell me this, and did she actually deliver that message? Was she crazy?
Then I wrote him a letter saying we should talk. It was time to share my well-rehearsed speech. After all, 10 years of practice is enough, don’t you think?
So we had dinner and what I noticed surprised me!
There was NOTHING to say because I could clearly see that he was the wrong man for me. That whole rehearsal was in vain.
I have closing agreement
Where did it come from?
The harsh truth about closure is that it is one “Internal work.”
Closure comes from your own heart when you make the healthy decision to choose self-love and self-esteem over a man who has treated you badly or hurt you.
No matter how much you love someone, that doesn’t mean that person is right for you. And if it had to be, then you would still be together.
That’s why I say closing is a seven-letter word. Like a four letter word but with a few more letters. You understand what I mean.
Surprisingly, what I discovered was that I could have had closure at any time, if I had decided that I was worthy of a lasting, supportive, and healthy love.
What should I do if I want to close?
Closing is problematic and gets people stuck. There is no need to go ahead and heal your heart.
However, if you’ve been chasing closure with a guy, here’s what you really expect, even if you don’t realize it:
1) You want the last word.
You mean, like, saltines and their ilk, eh? Whatever the message is, you want to let her know how you feel and that she was wrong, wrong, wrong. And you want him to feel bad too.
In this way he will repent of abandoning you, of alienating you, of deceiving you, or whatever he has done.
In my case, I wanted to close even though it was me who ended things. I was fooled by that last conversation. The truth is that it would not have made any difference or changed anything.
2) Expect to be together again.
If you could have an open conversation with him and UNDERSTAND what the problem was, you could probably fix it. Even after everything he did and everything you endured, you still love him and would do anything to get him back.
How to get a boy locked up
How do I know this is true about closure: what comes from within?
I’ve been listening to women for 20 years. And men tell me their stories. You can’t imagine how many people think they just need closure so they can move on.
They are very surprised when I tell them they CAN GET the closure. In fact, they take care of the closing with an ex because, as I mentioned before, the closing is an inside job.
If you have waited for the closure before you find love again, it is time to close that door yourself. Find a way to let it go.
I wish I could give you a detailed description of how to let go, but I’m still working on the recipe for myself. One thing I do know is that it is a decision and it can literally happen in a matter of seconds.
You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people.
Is closure really necessary?
Everyone is different and some people can release an ex easier than others. They let go of what they know they just don’t care about and that’s an amazing skill to have and cultivate.
However, if you find yourself wanting to have a lock, it is very important for YOU.
Openness to new higher frequencies, so you can express whatever you want: love, new career, new home, new friends, more money, better health, and more.
To find a new love, the first step is to DELETE THE OLD. The clearer it is, the more likely you are to not repeat this lesson or end up with the same type of man with the same type of unhealthy pattern.
I encourage you to let go of what no longer serves you, whether it’s the need for closure, your ex, old wounds, old dislikes, or misconceptions and misconceptions that hold you back.
Eliminate clutter in your energy field to make room for the kind of amazing love affair you want. Once you are clear, you can start the process again to express your heart’s desire.
Open to what is for your best and the loving, supportive and fun relationship you deserve.
Are you tired of his mixed signals and feeling confused because he says one thing and does another? Get my free book, His mixed signals are so confusing to understand what is going on with men.
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