Luck is not an online dating strategy

One of my 35 coaching calls last week was with a new client, Emma *, 39, in New York. In zoom, he told me about his ex-boyfriend, a firefighter. How did you meet him? A kitchen fire in your co-op! Let’s call it pure luck, right: two people from two very different worlds who are at your door are breaking up. It almost looks like a lifelong vacation movie

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But in reality, there is no one knocking on your door for dating.

You need a strategy, a plan; nothing surprising comes to life without a bit of foresight. Okay, even winning the Powerball you had to go buy the ticket, right?

So let’s talk about your five-point online dating strategy:

1. A timeline: when would you like to meet him If you’re thinking after the holidays, for example, around January 15th, don’t wake up on January 15th and say let’s go! You need to think and prepare before making your online dating debut.

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(Or you’re online, well, it’s time to clear your profile and photos to cool off). Let me see; Today is December 11th and you should start planning your calendar no later than December 15th, as you have a lot of work to do.

2. It’s time to dump her and move on. This is very important: write down your values. What qualities do you admire in a person? A type of look that appeals to you. Personality type. Children or no children? What are your most outstanding qualities? If this is difficult to answer, ask your two best friends and I assure you they will give you the answers. As a Dating Coach with a high success rate, these are the questions I will ask you as I work out your online dating profile and the right dating site for you.

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3. Action Plan. Don’t get in shape by hanging ornaments on a tree. Working with successful singles, it seems like you’ve all had a strategy for your career, staying fit, being healthy. If you work your personal life with the same taste that you put into your professional life, we will succeed. I’m sure we’ve all tried things to get in shape: running, triathlons, swimming, pilates, weight training, martial arts … Some worked for you, some didn’t. That’s why a good action plan identifies 2-3 dating sites that will help you reach your goals, not one! Most of my clients end up in 3 dating sites before we finish, and over 60% know someone they really like!

4. Limits. Maybe you have two houses. Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either. A recent client of mine, Michael *, a 59-year-old tech entrepreneur living in Las Vegas, couldn’t find the quality of a woman he’d like to meet there. He expanded his search to San Diego (where he has an office, and voila !, now he’s dating someone he likes!). Spend the winter in Hawaii or South Florida, yes, go out too. However, if you’re going to visit friends for a week in Savannah, skip the appointments there unless you’re really thinking about moving to that area. So, think about it, am I really in a position to move because this is really a place I would like to live instead of chasing a relationship?

5. What are you looking for? This tends to fall into 3 categories:

a. A companion to share activities such as traveling together

b. A long-term relationship / living together

c. Weddings

Once you know this, it will be much easier for me to help you achieve your personal goals. Most customers tend to fall into the last 2 categories. One thing I missed was that you might want to go out frequently, as you have recently become widowed or divorced. This changes quickly over time once you get into dating after 25 years of marriage, with one of the 3 elements mentioned above.

If your goal is January to get started, try some introspection now. It will make it much easier for me to help you achieve your goals. Many of us had a mentor in the company or a board of directors to guide us, this is exactly what I do as a dating coach for you: browse all aspects of online dating, from our call 1 hour zoom, writing your profile, selecting your photos, choosing the right places so you can show the answers to ensure the first high quality appointments.

My next article will be about one of my favorite clients: he kissed a lot of frogs, and you’ll hear where he is now. (it’s good!) One of the reasons I like my job so much is that I find you when you’re single and sometimes discouraged, sometimes excited; then a few months fly by and I get really excited for you. My 16-year-old daughter does too — she listens to some of my calls, and the other night I showed her a picture a client sent me of her and her boyfriend at a holiday party — he was just as excited as I was. Although it seemed a little more focused on my client’s beloved dress!

* Both names have been changed

Love and happy holidays, Andrea

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Andrea McGinty is the founder of It’s Just Lunch, which she built in 110 locations before selling them to a private equity firm. In the 2010s she realized that online dating had the largest group of eligible singles and turned her dating strategies to focus only on online dating. . Therefore, 33000Dates was born. She has been training clients on dating from pre-online dating and spends her time helping clients navigate online dating, writing down their dating profiles and more, she does the job, so you can have fun !

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She has appeared on Oprah, People, Today Show, WSJ, NYT and Forbes as America’s leading dating expert.

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