On the Rocks: Is It Worth Saving Your Marriage?

Frankly, only you can answer this question for yourself.

Once a couple graduates from the honeymoon phase and you two get into the business of team life, all sorts of problems can arise that have nothing to do with the quality of your relationship.

On the other hand, living together and living together can also expose irreparable cracks in your relationship.

Here are ten questions to consider and answer to help you make your decision from the office of a well-known Philadelphia divorce lawyer.

Are you both willing to do the work necessary to save the marriage?

This is the first question because if you can’t talk about what’s going on with your spouse, or aren’t willing to do whatever it takes to solve your problems, your answers to the remaining questions don’t matter.

A marriage requires the work of both to succeed. Many, if not most, problems can be solved or compromised, but only if they are both willing and able to devote time, energy, and consideration to recognizing that there is a problem, identifying what the problem is. and determine a solution. to the problem as a team.

If your spouse is unable or unwilling to take these steps, your marriage may not be worth saving.

Do you still feel respected by your spouse?

If you feel that your spouse respects you and considers you despite your problems, this is a good start. Unfortunately, dissenting couples often neglect their language and say things that irreparably harm their relationship.

What is said cannot be said. If you still respect each other, this is a great base for other improvements. All marriages need tweaking from time to time.

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Do you still feel loved by your spouse?

Respect and love are two different things, and love has many aspects. While the physical aspects of love may increase and decrease throughout your marriage, other elements should not. You have to feel loved and your spouse has to feel loved by you.

This shouldn’t take the form of saying “I love you” incessantly. Love is best shown in the little things you do for each other.

Your spouse brought your favorite takeaway food home after a hard day. You did your spouse’s laundry when they had to work on the weekend. You both have time to spend with each other.

Problems that have nothing to do with how much you love each other can arise throughout your marriage.

Think about whether you can separate your problem from the one you still love. This will give you your answer.

Do you still enjoy spending time with your spouse?

While we all live busy lives, it is unreasonable to expect your spouse to prioritize spending your little downtime with you and vice versa.

Do you regularly engage in activities that you both enjoy? Leave time to be together, even reading the Sunday newspaper for breakfast?

Time together often takes a back seat to our busy lives. Work, housekeeping, and parenting compete for our limited time, energy, and care.

Could your problem be that you have neglected your time together?

Can you imagine living apart from your spouse?

Try to imagine what your life would be like without your spouse. You may be living alone or with a roommate, and your time is yours to schedule as you see fit.

You may live with your children with the primary responsibility of raising them. You may only be able to have your children with you from time to time, and your spouse is the parent.

How do these scenarios make you feel? Try to inhabit them and determine how you feel about the prospect of living this way.

Do you feel ambivalent about leaving your spouse?

Ambivalence means having two minds about something. If you are thinking about whether or not to leave your marriage, something is holding you back.

Is it scary? If so, you can overcome it. But if, in the end, you believe that there is something redeemable in your marriage, it can also lead to ambivalence.

Can your difficulties be attributed to money problems or disagreements?

Disagreements or stress over finances are one of the main causes of divorce. If you and your spouse think differently about money, this can lead to a big fracture.

Married couples should be able to sit down and discuss their finances as a team without being accusatory or defensive. Easier said than done, right?

But if you can find a way to talk about your financial problems and agree on an approach, even if that approach is to agree to disagree and keep finances separate, it will help a lot to be able to assess quality. of your marriage without the static caused by money arguments.

Can your difficulties be attributed to disagreements between parents?

Similarly, married couples should strive to work as a team to develop a parenting plan and techniques consistent with each parent. Otherwise, not only will your marriage become dysfunctional, but your children will suffer.

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Do you think you can learn to work in a team?

If working as a team isn’t even on your radar as a couple, you may need to consider why together. Presumably, you have a joint home to maintain and a joint lifestyle to build.

You can also have children whom you stop and care for equally. How can you NOT be a functional team?

For many couples, it is a matter of communication. Married couples often model their behavior on their marriage according to that of their parents, often with disastrous results.

Opening lines of communication in a non-threatening way is what you need in this case. This can be done with the help of a neutral third party professional, such as a marriage counselor.

A marriage counselor can help each of you identify why you got married, what you saw when you decided to get married, and how you want your married life to look.

When you can agree on your marriage goals, you can work on creating strategies to achieve those goals.

Do you feel safe with your spouse?

This last question could be the first because of its importance; However, be aware that if you do not feel physically secure with your spouse, this will outweigh any positive aspects of the other nine questions discovered.

You deserve to be and feel safe, and more. By no means do I want to convey that I recommend for the mother to be inactive.

About the author

Roni Davis is a writer, blogger and legal assistant who operates in the greater Philadelphia area. He often works with Lee Schwartz, a prominent divorce lawyer.



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