As many of you know, I’ve been disconnected for the last 10-12 days while driving across California to South Florida, just me and Luna, my golden! It took me a long time to think — and of course I thought of you, my clients, dating sites, fireworks, long winding roads where the speed limit changes every 8 minutes, to boredom, to dry meat with exotic flavors, to the thrill of excitement. state lines (I’ve never been to Alabama), to 75-mile speed limits (yes, we know that means 88ish, right?), to tipis, bayous, hikes, low gasoline prices to Florida.
Okay, since my blogs talk about online dating, how does my road trip correlate with your love life? Five things to think about —- feel free to comment at the end if I missed some!
1. On the road (wrong).
No, it’s not a Kerouac counterculture thing. When I drove to Texas from NM, I must have missed a turn as they left me on a country road for 180 miles and also found a local sheriff who could be broadcast on a movie while crossing too much quickly by its intersection. Slow down, I thought. Once we have in mind that we are ready for an appointment, I see my clients all glued together, we are going to shoot, I want to meet him this month. And I have a certain type. Always. But really? As this path meandered (slowly) through Texas, for the past 5 years I thought about my clients and who they ended up in love with, in relationships. (No, I couldn’t go back more than 25 years without my laptop, so my brain took me to recent customers!)
In general, they all give me a list of essentials in a possible online appointment. But where I learn the most is when you talk about features you don’t want! We’ve all had relationships, this is part of the wonder of aging, now we have the experience of quickly recognizing red flags that in our 20s we didn’t know about!
Lina, a beautiful and funny 49 year old client, showed me a party with which she had been texting and was very excited about the paper and the messages, he was perfect. Fast forward to the call 5 minutes before the appointment, where he proceeded to interview her and explain her ex-wife’s weaknesses. This quickly turned into a 3-4 minute FT call … and thankfully no date without wasting time!
2. Fireworks: a spark or a rocket
The best relationship with permanence begins slowly: think of a candle, a spark, a spark. There are common values involved, and after the initial nervousness goes away, a fun conversation. Remember, a first date is an audition for … a second date!
Case in point: Victor, a 58-year-old investment banker (living in the Bay Area), was in Detroit on business where he met through a dating app, Lola. They lived in a country club with a large lake, took a two-hour walk on the lake, and fell in love. Yes, great pyrotechnics. Chemistry explodes. I asked Victor on our weekly check-in call exactly how it was going to work. Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either. They decided to meet a few weeks later in Chicago for a weekend, and well, that spark had burned. They both had children, no one could move, and as I was told later, it was more of a fantasy date, not logistically possible in the real world.
Now, I’m not saying long distance never works. Kyla, a 62-year-old business client of mine, spends part of her year in New York, the Hamptons, and the Bahamas. Now, in this case, Kyla is dating Jeremy, a computer executive she met in the Bahamas, because she already had a house there and could work from anywhere, so they would have the opportunity to spend a lot of time together. and now they are engaged!
3. Rest stops
Yes, I found many during my trip and they were amazingly lovely, especially with grassy areas for my puppy! And sometimes, when you’re out, you need to take a break, a break, a breath. Kendall, 42, is a client who recently moved from London to Atlanta after ending an 18-year relationship. When we started her dating trip, she was excited and full of energy. Can I add that he had an average of three new appointments per week in addition to being up to date with 1 or 2 more men he had liked from previous weeks? Kendall texted me a few weeks ago on a Saturday night, absolutely scared! Turns out he was losing track of these men … and repeating the same stories over and over again. I just couldn’t keep up with them.
Solution? A rest stop. I convinced Kendall not to look at any more “new” dates online, but to explore possibilities with the 7-8 men she was currently dating, there was no need to add more to this chaos! Over the next few weeks, Kendall made it clear which two men were really candidates and she was enjoying herself.
4. Get what you pay for
You have a good car. I do. That’s why you get premium gas, dealer visits for reviews, and regular details. I have many siblings — and one with a luxury car put low-end gasoline in his car to save a few bucks — and ended up with engine problems.
So why have beautiful photos, an attractive online dating profile … then not paying for the dating app / site? I’ve had a few clients willing to spend money to hire me as a dating consultant and then choose not to pay between $ 40 and $ 60 a month on a dating application. Get what you pay for. You need skin in the game. Don’t you want your potential dating to take this seriously and spend the money and also have skin in the game? If you use “free tools” in a dating app, you won’t get anywhere.
5. Try new flavors
After successfully passing my 20th billboard “The Best Beef Jerky on Planet Earth”, “Mango Chili Jerky” (New Mexico) and “Brewmasters Pale Ale Turkey Jerky”, I rubbed. Besides, he was starving. I thought they were spending so much money on billboards, they must have something going on. And they did!
So before you think that your taste is just for blondes, doctors, architects, acrobats, full hair or polite Ivy, think again. We all tend to delve into our own little “rodents” or small circle of friends and lose sight of the big picture.
I spend some time with my Ultimate clients, and from time to time, when I review potential dates, I get a resounding no. And I always ask why. One man told me he didn’t like his ninth photo (the other 10 were great). Another told me he was out of his league. I was, like, WHAT? You are a funny and very successful man based in two countries … okay, here we will work a little confidence.
Just be open, I beg you. Have a positive attitude. Talk to me. Write to me. I’m MUCH better than your friend who can’t be objective with you. I’m in your corner — I’m your cheerleader!
I love you all!
* All names / locations have been changed for privacy
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