The problem with saying “I’m sorry” …

Many will tell you that these are the two most important words in a relationship, and that saying sorry is very important. Some will tell you that you should use these words more instead of less.

My answer is: “really?”

In fact, may you be saying too much forgiveness in a relationship?

The words “sorry” are relatively unimportant in the long run in your relationships.

I know it’s a big statement. But the reality is that words mean very little compared to your active effort to repair the damage that has already been done.

The act of really taking responsibility for your past actions is worth much more (and has much more value) than just saying sorry.

Of course you should say sorry, that counts something.

But I don’t think the words “I’m sorry” are used too little.

I think there is such a thing as worrying too little about making a change or treating your partner better.

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The problem with words

say too much forgiveness in a relationship

Many women attack and cut deep with their words, then proceed to torture themselves with guilt and then say they feel it.

Then, once again, they attack, sink with their words, torture themselves with guilt. Then say sorry. And then he attacks with his words, and then …

The pattern is repeated continuously, over and over again. You need to break the pattern and develop alternative ways to deal with a problem, or even a genuine new temperament.

So let me ask you this:

Do you think this cycle has any real value for the injured couple?

Or is it much worth it if you change your behavior pattern instead?

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I feel like covering

The words I hear are often used as cover-ups. I’ve done it before, and I’ve seen others do it too; that’s how I know.

The words “sorry” are often just that, just words.

Words mean little without the real decision to change something or to do better next time.

MORE: Read my article about him SAYING you miss him, but …

There was a time in my relationship when I had not treated my husband fairly and I said sorry, and in the middle of that, I had to stop.

Later, I thought about it a lot. I thought a lot about the words and why I really said them.

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Forgive too much: an approval-seeking strategy

I came to the conclusion that throughout my life, in certain relationships, I had said that I was sorry for the need to regain the other person’s acceptance and approval.

I made myself believe that I was doing “the right thing,” but in reality, I was just desperately trying to regain the lost connection.

In other words, I was still selling a totally selfish place.

Do you know what I mean?

It’s like I hurt the other person to begin with, and now I want to get even MORE out of it in the hopes that my apology will bring it closer to me ?! This is fickle.

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I feel it as a way to serve guilt

So, after stopping halfway through my apology, I began to wonder what would be the best way to do things.

I realized that often the words “sorry” were useful (depending on who the person is and what they value), but they never made the REAL difference when it came to repairing something they had done and hurting. .

The real difference is this:

We mess up in some way: we act in a way that is less than authentic and less than acceptable.

And instead of hating yourself for it or blaming yourself for it, the best thing to do is even say nothing at all but in:

  • Keep room for them. Really listen to the other person’s pain; i
  • Just be with them.

Be it your husband, your mother, your sister, your best friend, or your partner.

I have found that the times when I have done so from a place of honesty and sincerity, is a natural regulator of behavior.

This is because having empathy, feeling the other person’s pain, naturally forces you to act differently next time.

In this way, your mind and body remember the pain they experienced and you develop an association (a body memory or a neurological memory if you will) that will allow you to adjust your behavior towards them in the future.

This action also makes repairing the lost trust purely its responsibility: Up to a point where it is clear that the other person is no longer interested in trusting you at all.

In most cases, a person who is injured just wants you to do it take more care, and love them more. Even if they seem to be moving away from you.

MORE: How To Solve A Bad Relationship Problem TODAY.

Just to clarify the effects of this post:

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Putting “sorry” in context …

That being said, I think there are a lot of people who say forgiveness in a genuine way. And, of course, forgiveness can only be said for 100% consideration, compassion, and love for the other person.

I think the words “sorry” said that way require a high level of selflessness.

Child conditioning …

The problem for many of us is that when we were little, we had our mother or father holding our hand, taking us to little Johnny or Sarah and forcing us to say “I’m sorry” when we broke their toy or told them bad. first name.

Even when we didn’t mean sorry. Even when we didn’t want to say it. Even when it didn’t come from the right place in our hearts.

And this is ingrained in us over and over again and over and over again throughout our childhood until it became a natural, subconscious reaction to something. Sometimes, for etiquette’s sake, say “I’m sorry!” that’s all right.

For example, if you step on someone’s unsuspecting toes on a crowded bus, it’s okay to say, “Oh, I’m sorry!” – Right? Just to point out some consideration for them.

The words “I’m sorry” they are not as important as our intentions and actions, our decision and what we have to give. Some people just say they feel it because they feel it must.

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What is more important than sorry?

Honestly, there are a number of things that are more important than saying too much forgiveness in a relationship.

There are many things that it will have a greater effect and influence on your relationship than using the phrase “sorry.” Here are a few:

  • Working on yourself. Constantly striving to strip away your fears and masks so that you can present yourself with authenticity and character. When you do this, you often say the words from a place of total authenticity, and they will mean more to the other person.
  • A humble intention.
  • Your long-term actions.
  • True compassion.

These actions are where the true valley lies. And if you want be a woman of great value, I recommend that you focus on these things, rather than just saying “I’m sorry.”

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Do you agree with my opinions?

Do you think that saying forgiveness is important?

What other words or actions could you say or do that would have a bigger and better impact?

Has anyone apologized to you and it doesn’t seem to be coming from the right place? Maybe you thought it didn’t help because they didn’t mean it? Please share your thoughts and experiences with me below!

Renee Wade what to do when she's not calling

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