You’ve been together for a long time. It seems that bad days outweigh good ones. Maybe you’re living more as roommates than lovers and the spark you once had is fading. In your mind, you have given your best. Maybe you’ve even wondered what it might be like to start all over again with someone new.
Before you leave, keep this in mind.
In their best-selling book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” Drs. John and Julie Gottman wrote that he is sad when a good relationship dies because he did not receive the treatment and respect he needs to survive. Divorce and breakup should not be an inevitable part of life. In fact, there are many good reasons to stay together.
NOTE: The following does not apply to situations of abuse. Read our research on domestic violence and connect with these resources, if you need help.
Happier marriages lead to a longer life
Research from the University of Michigan found that people with unhappy marriages were more likely to get sick and had a shorter lifespan of about four to eight years. The Gottmans believe that this is due to the fact that constant conflict and neglect end up affecting your health in a negative way. In fact, in research at the Gottman Love Lab, the team similarly found more white blood cells (immune system protectors) in those with happier relationships.
Happy marriage, happier children
Dr. John Gottman also studied children to see how they went against the health of their parents’ marriages. In a study of 63 children from pre-school to 15 years of age, the results showed higher cases of truancy, depression and aggression in children whose parents showed marital hostility. These children had high levels of stress that affected their relationships with peers and their performance in school. Even the hostility that persists after the parents separate affects the children.
How to know if you are happy
Suppose your marriage doesn’t seem particularly “high on conflict” with the obvious warning signs of a troubled relationship. How can you know that you are in a happy relationship that is good for your health and for those around you? Can something like this be measured?
Can! Everything new Gottman Relations Advisor it can help you understand the state of your relationship and help you improve it.
This virtual relationship self-assessment provides you with a complete snapshot of your satisfaction with your relationship, describes your strengths and weaknesses, and offers personalized recommendations for improvement.
Start building a happier relationship today!
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