Is there anything like recovering your ex in fear?
I’ll show you how this might not be as weird as you might think …
QUESTION FROM A READER QUOTES:
Hi Carlos –
Thank you so much for doing The password is secret in your heart…
I was dating a guy I loved and cared about a lot, but at the same time could not connect to him more.
We both noticed that it had changed and I realized that they were not a la same page month.
How do I connect with my ex who thinks he just “doesn’t get it” (i.e. men and him in general)?
I feel that way impotent when I’m with him and I find it hard to keep my emotions together. I feel like I’ve noticed and I know how big he is and that it’s me scared lose it, but I’m not sure if you already feel it or realize it.
How I scare her and make her feel like being with me is a lot better to be single
Please help …
Carlos Cavallo answers:
Well, Sandy, let’s start with your last question in your email …
“How I scare her and make her feel that being with me is so much better than being single.“
Probably not BETTER focus on recognizing your value. We don’t want to focus on the fear factor of our relationships.
DESPITE THAT – All relationships require something to be said CONSEQUENCE in them.
It’s the same thing we teach kids, right?
If you do this “bad thing”, there is a consequence. Usually something you don’t like.
If you do this “good thing”, there is another consequence. Usually something good – for you and for the relationship.
And you have to have the feeling that there is one DEFINITIVE consequence in the relationship.
Now this is beautiful controversyso make sure you sit down when you read this …
Every healthy relationship has a mutual understanding: if you cross the line or go too far, your relationship could end.
This is absolutely necessary to maintain all relationships RESPECT. For you and for him.
Look, the reality is that human nature is shaped take advantage of people taking too much shit from us. We can’t help it!
I’ve seen perfectly good people (myself included!) Do it over and over again.
When someone makes it clear that they will let you walk over them like a carpet, us TO SAY we won’t do it ourselves, but we almost always do. (Pssst … yes! Even YOU do!)
That is why the myth of “unconditional love” – although very romantic and theoretically very “pleasant” – is an absolute killer relationship with men.
Is unrealistic And this destroys the feeling of attraction and desire.
Because men are basically young children who have to cause problems from time to time. And if they have no limits, they do WILL get into trouble.
So let’s get back to your situation …
Yes, there must be some “Fear of losing you“in there, but you can’t focus that way.
You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people.
And so, when he’s not around, he’s going through the retreat … desperate return to your arms again.
Something I teach you to do in the Forever Yours – The secret password for your heart program.
And it’s healthy, because it’s a win-win. You both have it pain be close to each other. It’s a town hall instead of a “Meh … whatever.“
So right now, if your ex thinks you don’t “understand” him and you feel the same way …
I you feel like it’s a change with YOU…
You really only have two options:
1) Find out why you can’t connect with him now. What’s different?
The reality is that we don’t really “change” everything that a lot.
We want to believe that we do, but we are quite consistent. This is usually a good thing, as it gives stability to your life and your world.
Sometimes it’s bad, like when they slow us down bad habits. And there are ways to change these habits without having to change yours whole identity.
I’m not going to put all of you Tony Robbins here, but that’s the fact.
So when you say you’ve changed, I guess you may have been doing a little “act” at first and you’re back YOU…
EL he left his “act” he did for you or he became someone you struggled to relate to.
His “act” was abandoned. Looks like you’ve changed, but something could have changed with him too.
Give it some space.
Push HE back for a while so you can A) pick up your emotional control, and B) get a healthy perspective. This is the moment that will also give you the ability to see what it is DOES to have with you.
And you’ll probably want to revisit and finish Always yours program – where you will understand even more how to really do it ABOVE him and open his heart. Specifically, review the “Map of man: inside a man’s mind“section where I explain how men think and how to really show them ACHIEVE he.
2) Then you might want to consider that you may be holding on to something that you * might * have to let go of.
I don’t like to put it out there, but it’s like that always a possibility, right?
If he has lost respect for you, and has lasted a while, you may be fighting in a battle that is not worth it.
Sometimes it’s much healthier and easier for you to start another relationship with the right foundation of love, respect, and solid communication that creates the romance of a lifetime.
Until then, focus on completing the Always yours program … give it some space to show that you won’t be run over or taken for granted.
You’re on the right track right now and you’re experiencing an awakening in your ability to create the kind of relationship you want in your life.
To be able to get through that armor around his heart, connect with him a deep level – and make him love you as you deserve.
Yours in perfect passion …
– Carlos Cavallo
UPDATED ON 9/22/2021
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